Let me start off by saying, i’m a sweet, caring, and helpful individual.
Over the years, I have noticed I tend to befriend those who are depressed and who are in need.
On May 10th, 2015; I thought I had met the love of my life. I was over at a friends house and there he was outside. I asked her who he was and she explained to me and I was interested, I found him really attractive. They were friends, he had come inside and we began flirting and he was holding my friend’s son, that’s where my heart melted.
That night, he said he needed to go to get some of his stuff from a friends house and that he needed to go to a gas station; I had asked him if I could come with and so he let me. Something about this guy, the way he talked, the way he held himself. I was attracted. Somehow, I don’t even know how it happened but we had really hit it off in that short period of time. We were going to sleep at my friends that night but her mom kicked us out because she was mad at her. We ended up sleeping in his truck that night, he asked for my phone number. He was super sweet to me, nothing I was used to with any guy before. We rushed everything. I became his girlfriend that night.
The next morning I had to work very early in the morning, so I basically woke him up, he drove me to my car and kissed me. That was that. We exchanged texts all throughout the day and that continued every day from then on. As time went on, we spent many nights in his car. I fell madly in love with him. I had never felt this way about anyone else before, it all happened so fast. As we grew closer together, I was attracted to his lack of family and a lifestyle like mine. He was seventeen years old and he had no permanent residents and made money in illegal ways. It didn’t really bother me at first, but then it became a problem.
One night, I drove him and his friends to a party in a town about 25 mins away from where we’d hang out. I didn’t feel comfortable getting out of the car, he wanted me to come in but I just didn’t feel like it was right. I sat in the car while he went inside and partied with who knows how many girls and his friends. I was still attracted to his lifestyle. I felt invincible. He had my back, I had his. He made me feel safe and wanted.
Most nights we slept together, we did so in a McDonalds parking lot. He was always on his phone. One night, he figured out my passcode while I was sleeping and saw texts from a friend of mine and he created this whole story about how I was cheating on him and all of this other stuff. I had (multiple times) seen things from girls on his phone, one girl in specific. He had claimed that this girl was his “best friend” and that she helped him out with money a lot. I believed him, thinking he had this really great friend who cared enough to make sure he was taken care of. I didn’t think too much of it.
On June 21st, 2015 my father and I got into a huge argument because he found a pack of cigarettes in my car. At this point, I was living the high life, the good life, I didn’t want it to end. That night, I called my boyfriend crying and telling him that I was leaving that night, that I was going to run away. He asked where I was going and I told him that I didn’t know. He said he didn’t want me out on the streets walking alone. He said he would help me leave. So, when my dad and stepmom went to bed, I had a couple bags packed with clothing, food, and other items. I left my car keys, my phone, and all of my other electronic devices on my bed, along with a handwritten “goodbye” letter to my family. I told my brother I was going to sleep over at a friends house and I began walking down road to meet my boyfriend.
We drove to a different town near here and sat in a parking lot for a bit to discuss some plans. He told me about his family in Chicago and how he had lots of friends there also. We decided together that, that was where we were going to go. We left that night. We drove to a gas station and I took out every last dollar that I had in my bank account, having him carefully park across the street so that the cameras wouldn’t see him or his truck.
From there, we left. It was raining pretty hard throughout the night and the drive felt like it was taking forever. We had made multiple stops to fill up the gas tank and to go to the bathroom. I tried to keep my head low, just incase. Finally, late morning; we made it to Chicago. It was the south side, just a bit out of my element. It was foreign to me, but I felt at home with my love by my side. We stayed with a few different people while we were there and we also had slept in the car some nights. (also, throughout this whole trip; he had his dog along with us.) My father had managed to get into my cell phone and was messaging my boyfriend. I must have forgot to delete some things on my phone. My dad was saying that he knew I was with him and that if I came home now there wouldn’t be any issues with the police (as they were already looking for me at this time) and that they wouldn’t press any charges. My boyfriend denied me being with him and acted like he hadn’t heard from me and that him and I had gotten into a fight and I broke up with him. He was always so convincing.
A day later, the police showed up where we were staying and we were panicked. They were banging on the door and he told me to hide. When he went to the door, they asked if that was his dog in the truck, he said yes, and told him that he couldn’t keep his dog in there when it was that hot outside. We thought for sure that it was going to be over, we were scared. About a day later, we were told we couldn’t stay at the house we were at because my boyfriend’s father had informed them that I was a seventeen year old runaway and that they could get into trouble for harboring a minor in their home so they asked us to leave.
The first few days were pretty rough, we were running pretty low on money and we didn’t have any food or any place to stay at the time. Some nights we pretty restless, all I could hear were gunshots every once in awhile (but daily) and police sirens. My parents had not heard from me in a few days, as we knew that the police were looking for me, I decided to call my parents. I actually had called my brother and told him to tell them that I was okay and that I wasn’t going to come home. I also told him that I was sorry.
After that, we were able to stay with a close family friend of his mom. It was great. It finally felt like we were living together (without fear.) At the time, I had also not gotten my period on the date that it was due. I thought I was pregnant. We waited a couple days and went to a clinic and they took a test, we waited there for the results; it felt like they took forever. Finally, the nurse came back in and told me that the test came back negative. I didn’t know (at the time) whether to feel happy or sad about the news I had just received. This guy and I had planned a family together, a future.
Days went by, still in Chicago, and his mom told us about the family reunion and he had told me that I was invited. We drove close by to Indiana, just outside of Chicago, and went to the reunion at the park. It was awesome, his whole family was so welcoming and sweet to me. I felt like I was married into the family. Him and I had gotten into a fight while we were talking there, that was the first time that he had ever gotten physical with me. I sat on a bench by myself, crying for a majority of the rest of the time there.
When we got back to where we were staying that night, his cousin had asked him to go out with him and his friends. It was probably about 2 am and I was kind of upset with him. We fought yet again, he made me feel bad about myself and then he went out and didn’t come back until very early in the morning. He started kissing me and trying to make me ‘feel better’ and then basically told me that we had to have sex. I didn’t want to but I felt obligated to…
Our ‘marriage’ began to feel more stressed that happy. He became more sneaky with his phone and what he was doing. I was left where we were staying a lot. I started to question things. Living on my own was hard, I couldn’t get a job, I couldn’t go to school. I had no money, I couldn’t buy any food. I couldn’t talk to my friends. I had nothing. I decided to get a texting app on his phone, I had texted my mom and my brother. They couldn’t trace it so I could do it without worrying. The boyfriend and I had gotten into yet another argument over the next couple of days because of things I had seen on his phone.
He tried to convince me that I didn’t see anything and that I was just overthinking and worrying too much and that nothing was going on. He was verbally attacking me at this point. I made a split decision. I asked my mom for my mentor’s phone number and I began texting her and asking her what I should do. She offered to come and get me or pay for a ticket for me to get home. Something told me to do it. Something told me that it was time for me to go home. I was just so mentally and physically drained, I couldn’t do it anymore.
That day, my mom bought a plane ticket for me to get home. I cried the whole entire time I was at the airport. I thought I had made the wrong choice. I needed the love of my life. I NEEDED HIM. I got home within what felt like no time. All I could do was cry. I came home to find out my mom had gone through everything in my room and had taken all of my electronic devices away and locked them up. I couldn’t talk to anyone, I couldn’t talk to my love.
The next day, my mom took me to the doctor. I was so angry at her, I couldn’t help it. She wouldn’t let me leave again. I wanted to get the rest of my things and go back with my boyfriend. When we got back from my appointment, I packed another big back and ran out the door and started walking down the street. My mom tried to follow me but I refused to stop walking. Then, I heard “Kaylee, stop walking right now”, it did not sound like my mom. I turned around to see a police officer pulling up behind me. She questioned me and I told her to leave me alone and let me go. She then put me in the back of her car. A couple other officers then pulled up (including the deputy who was investigating my case) they asked me why I hated being at home so much. He asked me a bunch of questions about myself and the boyfriend. He then told me that they were going to take me somewhere where I could just talk to someone and then they would bring me home.
When I was in the back of the cop’s car, on my way to this destination, I could see through the glass in the back seat to the front of the car and on the directions it had said JAF located in Jordan, Minnesota. I became overwhelmed with anger. Those cops lied to me. They lied straight to my face. I couldn’t believe it. When I had got to the detention center, they asked me a bunch of questions and then asked me to remove all of my jewelry and told me to shower and put on the clothes that they gave me.
I cried all night, I cried all the next morning. I then met some of the girls who were staying there at the time. They tried to make me feel better but I just couldn’t. One of the workers at the facility had made me aware that I was on a 72 hour hold. But, weekends and holidays did not count as days there, so it would have been much longer because it was the weekend and it was about to be the 4th of July. I cried, I cried so much I swear I was going to die from a broken heart. I had never felt more betrayed or sad in my whole entire life.
The next day, my parents had come to visit me. I cried to them and told them I didn’t belong there and I couldn’t be there. They told me there was no way out but I was determined to fight it. All I could think about was my boyfriend and talking to him/seeing him again. They then tried and fought to get me out and released me into my parent’s custody after a couple days at JAF so I could be home for the 4th of July. When I got home, I figured out that I could use the T.V. in my room for facebook. I went on and contacted my boyfriend, we were telling each other how much we miss and love each other. He then told me that he needed to see me. We planned for me to go out and pretend like I was taking my dog for a walk and he would give me a phone that I could contact him on easier.
A day later, we decided that the only way for us to be together was for me to run away again and this time we would go somewhere else. Very late at night, I waited out in the garage because my brother was still awake and then I opened the garage just wide enough for myself and my bags to get out and I ran down the road to where my boyfriend was waiting to pick me up. We then drove away. We just started driving, we had enough money at that time to make it to a very very small farm town in Iowa. We slept in his truck in the McDonalds parking lot. His friend had told us that we could get an apartment in Oklahoma with him and his girlfriend. We had to wait a few days until he got paid and then we would be on the road again.
One of the days, him and I were arguing in the car and the windows were down a little bit. I guess somebody must have heard it because within 15 mins, a cop had pulled up before we had time to act. They came up to the window in the front (where I was sitting) and they asked if I was okay. I told him that everything was fine and he said that someone had called reporting a couple fighting, my boyfriend and I just kind of laughed it off and were like no, we weren’t. The officers had asked for both of our I.D.’s and I asked if it was really necessary for them to have that. He informed me that he just wanted to know who was in their town. He asked me to step out of the car and to hand him my identification, so I did. He read my driver’s license number to the dispatch and she ran it through and then all I heard was “yes, we had that individual listed as a runaway in the state of Minnesota.” My heart dropped to my stomach, it was over.
The police handcuffed me and put me in the back of the squad car and brought me to the station. I left all of my stuff with my boyfriend thinking he would bring it to the station and give it to them or something. They give him the address of the station but he never showed up. The officers then called my mom and informed her that they had me in their custody and weren’t going to let me go unless she came to pick me up. She got there in a few hours, I sat there waiting, braless with no makeup and I hadn’t showered in a few days.
My mom and stepdad had gotten to Iowa to bring me home, they bought me some food and then we were on our way back home. I had no appetite though, I couldn’t stop crying. We were a little over halfway home when my mom had received a phone call. The person was asking what time we were arriving and I had thought that we were just going home. I just started crying harder and harder, they said they needed a police officer to be waiting for me at the courthouse and that they were taking me back to JAF.
By this time, the state had custody of me. My social worker could control every aspect of my life without my parents’ agreement. This time, I was told that they were unsure of how long I would be residing at JAF. I couldn’t cry anymore, I was just too mad. I had no tears left. My social worker would come to visit me and tell me about what’s going on. I then had court, it was embarrassing for a couple reasons, the main reason being that my judge was our neighbor and a good childhood friend’s father; someone who had known me since I was about four. I was read a warning called the “Hammergren” warning (which, i’m not sure exactly what it means) but they told me that if I were to run away again that I would be put in the system and in jail until I was 21 years old. I felt so stuck. I just wanted to talk to my boyfriend, I needed to know how he was doing. The court ordered me to do a mental health and drug evaluation. They also set a no contact order between me and my boyfriend.
I had been defending my boyfriend this whole time, they tried to convince me that he was a bad guy and that he was just using me. They told me that he had a very long record and that he was a smart mouth with the cops (every cop in the town knows him by name), I kept telling them that he was so much more than that and that I loved him and he was good for me. That’s what I thought…
A few weeks later, I got released from JAF. They sent me home to my parents original custody plan. I was ordered to follow through with counseling and a mental health outpatient treatment program. In the beginning of this process, I was able to get my hands on a cell phone with internet access. I downloaded the texting app I had on my boyfriend’s phone before. When I opened it I had seen a bunch of messages with him and a couple girls. They talked about how they had hooked up and how they plan on doing it again. I found out he had been cheating on me throughout our entire relationship, not with one girl but with multiple different girls, especially when I was in JAF.
One day while my mom was driving me to my treatment, someone in my family called her and told her that I had a cell phone so when we got to the place, she looked in my purse and found the cell phone. She was really mad and I was too, I had ruined everything. When I got into treatment, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I didn’t want to get in trouble. I finally broke down and stopped defending my boyfriend. At first, I could not tell anyone the real story about what had happened while I was gone. It took me months to finally come out and tell someone.
While in treatment, I met some of the best people I had ever met in my life and to this day we are still connected. They helped me through so much, I wasn’t alone anymore. We were all so different, which I feel made us like each other even more.
Throughout all of this, I realized that I was severely depressed and that I couldn’t fix it on my own, no matter how much I wanted to. My advice to anyone who is struggling with anything, do not be afraid to get help. Do not be afraid to be heard. Let someone know how you are feeling. It does not make you weak or less of a person. It WILL get better.
thatteenkb 